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My ME And Me: 'I Don't Remember What It's Like To Not Be Ill'

Sunday 12 May 2019


From the BBC:


Hannah Price
Hannah Price

My ME and me: 'I don't remember what it's like to not be ill'

For the past 15 years, Hannah has struggled to live a 'normal' life with her invisible illness

By Hannah Price
11 May 2019
Copyright © 2019 BBC.

It’s hard not to feel suffocated by the stale air and sterile, white ceilings of a hospital ward. The incessant beeping and patient grumbling provides a constant, miserable soundtrack as you wish you were literally anywhere else.

When I was admitted to hospital in February, I was worried that everything I had worked so hard for was crumbling. I was off sick from my dream job, in a new city away from my support system, and recovering from a Valentine’s Day breakup.

When I spoke about my recent heartbreak with friends, most of them could relate. People were reassuring - they’ve been through it and they told me it’ll get better with time, and I nodded tearfully. If only the same could be said of my chronic illness.

Lying in that hospital bed, it was impossible to stop anxious thoughts invading my brain. Memories of the time an ex used my illness against me, worries about explaining my absence to colleagues, and the fear that this time I could end up entirely bed-bound.

Big life changes like a new job or a break-up can take a toll on anyone but, when you’re navigating them alongside a chronic illness, they can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you want a day off from being “strong”, and admit that you’re exhausted, in pain and feeling low.

I’ve suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) since I was 11 years old. After coming down with a nasty virus, my whole life changed almost overnight. Six months of gruelling health investigations later, it was almost a relief to finally have a name for my symptoms. Almost.


Full article…



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